2000
In the year 2000, I was in my first and second year at art college in Canterbury. I was trying to get accustomed to the culture there. I was young and silly but had an overactive brain. It appeared to work quite well for me to continue keeping complex and convoluted sketchbooks full of analytical nonsense... words were what counted at art college. Just a constant flow of words, meaning was not really important. So I could do words, but secretly, I was looking for answers and meaning and I wanted to be able to paint well. So we had a bit of a secret conflict of interests, me and the art college.
First let it be noted: I was still in the throes of a mammoth Beatles phase, a big passionate learning process, and I particularly loved Paul, and particularly his smooth little face and the angles of his eyebrows. This was done very near the beginning of the first year, before my spirit had been squashed. They thought it was kitsch, little did they know that I really meant it. I kept these things mostly hidden.
I wanted to focus on cute things generally, and on noting the parallels between Britney and Pikachu, icons of the time. I think it was a reaction to the pressure to be sophisticated, and my attempt to keep myself feeling young among jaded narcissistic idiot baby boomer lecturers.
even then I was conceding a lot to the unbalanced focus on 'ideas'... not exactly what I hoped I was signing up for... scribbling scribbles and words in a book... but there didn't seem to be any other kind of art college. If I'd have known about the existence of the Atelier schools, I may have gone down a different path. But I didn't. Anyway. I have my weird history and wonky mistakes and mishaps are part of it. I'll try to look on it as funny rather than tragic.
So I became steadily surlier and more claustrophobic. I got obsessive over undeserving/bewildered boys. I was self absorbed and boring. Oh well!
I wasn't really given cause to consider the pros or cons of my drawing style. Not many people around me were drawing in any comparable way. I think I wanted it vaguely to be delicate and feminine. Looking at it now, I find it a bit cloudy and bitty, and it would have been good if I'd started being a bit more manly, structured, and learning specific skills sooner... but I can at least see what I was getting at, I've always been able to draw. It's a shame I wasn't actually taught. I was doing it, but doing it self-consciously and very underconfidently.
The first Harry Potter film came out, and I read the existing books. And Lord of the Rings. Those things and the Beatles were the kinds of things that were my touchstones. They were the things that animated me. In that specific timeframe. But because of humanity, not escapism. I think. Of course I might be bending it around in my memory.
I painted usually in acrylics. The one below is a detail of an oil painting. I think the colours on these were unfortunately 'turned up' at some point, so may be cruder even than the originals. I made my own rules and parameters, no one gave me any.
2001
Second year of art college... kind of a torturous time in my brain. Let's focus on the silly pictures.
Despite the fact I wasn't obsessed with Paul McCartney any more, I still embarked upon a series of paintings on the subject of beating up Jane Asher.
2002
Final year of art college.. and beyond... regained a smattering of sanity.
Got interested in computer game imagery as I worked up to my degree show. The degree was ultimately a bit of a farce, but having that apparent goal did make me focus a little more than usual. I was quite excited for some of the time... I'm only pessimistic in retrospect, if you see what I mean. I was excited in my own little world.
Started playing Everquest and liked the way the corpses lay. Looked for poignant things, I spose. If I found them in pop culture, it seemed like part of the communication was already successful. But it wasn't about 'pop art' or plasticness, I was looking for authenticity.
Got very into Fleischer cartoons too.
And Buffy.
Wanted a perfect smooth dreamy finish. Wanted to communicate stuff from my innermost mind. May have failed. Still tried.
But after I left, got a bit angry, but also had a sense of liberty, and painted Hopeful Hannie, which I still like.
After that, of course, things changed.
